I woke up this morning and did my usual stretching before I get out of the bed; strolled down the stairs to get my coffee and sat down at the kitchen table to meditate for awhile. As I sat there listening to my many clocks tick away I got this overwhelming urge to just cry. It got the better of me and I just let it all come out; like someone had turned on a sprinkler the tears just streamed down my face. Why did I feel like crying you might ask? Well, there are actually many reasons.
a) This is the first year both my girls are out of the house. I miss them being in their bedrooms, messing up the kitchen, piles of laundry spewing out of the laundry room. I miss them calling me and asking me whats for dinner tonight? I miss them writing on the Wal-Mart list....they always had a gazillion things they wanted....food and non-food items! I just miss having children in this home. This is the first year with adults and it feels so weird. I'm just thankful to have my girls fairly close by. I'm thankful that they are healthy and that I have the most amazing relationship with the both of them!
b) This is the 3rd Christmas without my Dad. He passed in September of 06' and I miss him so very much!! On Christmas Eve we always have a big gathering at Dad & Mom's house. He loved to give presents and we loved to give him goofy ones. I once gave him this shirt that said something like "I'm just an Old Fart" he loved that shirt (mom hated it) and he wore that thing until it was thin and had holes in it!! Dad always acted goofy with the grandchildren. He always took my hand and danced with me on Christmas Eve and New Years also. I miss dancing with him! I miss seeing him and my mom dance together! They use to win dance contest all the time. They were awesome swing dancers!!!
c) My brother, Herbie. He has been gone 16 years. I still miss him everyday!! Herbie was a personal shopper at Bloomingdales in New York City. He shopped for Cindy Lauper and Brooke Shields and do you remember Mag from the old Palmolive commercials? well, he shopped for her too, just to name a few. He was a very good looking man....he looked just like George Micheal! Really, people use to mistake him for George. He was an amazing person....he always loved you no matter what. The summer I was 15 I lived in New York with him and was treated like a princess. I had so many clothes and shoes bought for me that year it was insane. Herbie wanted me to fulfill my dream of being a model so I was taken on a photo shoot and went to Ford Modeling Agency where I was told to come back next year when I turned 16. They loved my look but said I was still a bit to young. Well, the next year I got pregnant with Meg so my dream went out the window. I remember Herbie telling me it was OK that I was probably meant to just be a mom! :) He loved me no matter what!
So I think I am all cried out now. My eyes are all puffy and I have a red nose from blowing my nose so much. I guess it's perfect for the season though and now John will call me Rudolph all day!