Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Scraps & Tears

Scraps & Tears...there are plenty of those in this house lately.

Scraps...I am a crocheter! I love to crochet. I collect yarn. So what best to do with the scraps from the left over projects....make your girls an Afghan for college! I did this for Meg and whipped it up pretty fast. Tori's though, I'm having a very difficult time even picking it up. Oh sure I look at it everyday....cause I keep it on the trunk in my living room....all laid out pretty...begging for me to work on it. So why am I having such a difficult time with this particular project? I have come to the realization that I have been unconsciously not picking it up for I fear the inevitable....her moving out. To me finishing the afghan will make it final. My life as I know it will be over. No more kids in the house to depend on me. My baby, my last born will be moving on to start her life as an adult.

work in progress....
Tears...in the morning with my coffee, cleaning the house, talking with her daddy, thinking about crocheting, anytime!!! Last night as we sat in the Waffle House watching our little girl take peoples orders I wondered, "where did the time go?" Wasn't it just yesterday her and Meg were playing restaurant and cashier in the kitchen. She came and sat in the booth next to me and then told her daddy & I something that made me have to bite my tongue so I wouldn't weep in front of everyone. This is what she said,
"I'm sad about moving out"
I said, Well, you know you don't have to, you can commute to college.
She giggled and said," No, I'm ready to move on with my life, I'm just sad to leave my room and you guys." Then she said, "I was thinking about it Saturday night, and I cried." Then she got a few tables and we didn't get to talk about it anymore. Let me tell you...I have never had to hold back tears like that before. It was hard.
Tori is a strong little girl...I know she is going to make her mark on this world.
So I leave this blog today with lots of scraps demanding to be picked up & lots of tears flowing down my face.


Beths Blog said...

Makes me cry Betty. Remember when Tori wouldn't even spend the night away from home, what happen to that little girl and how will she be able to leave???? I am feeling your pain to the core of my being!!!! I've started crocheting:) I've made a lap robe out of brick stitch pattern. I'm now making Zach a razorback red (burgandy) one that is much bigger. Kristyn wants one the same color. It feels so good to crochet, great therapy. We need to get together some time and have a cup of coffee and stitch together.

Beths Blog said...

Crap as soon as I started reading your comment to mine, I started crying. Its the one of Tori's Princess Party. Kristyn has it in a frame sitting in her room, its always been there. They were just so precious, weren't they? Great, now I'm at work and can't stop crying. I don't know why it hurts so bad, I can understand they are growing up, you can just see that in them. But, why oh why do they have to go.